Sitting on the shore of lake Nahuel Huapi. Passing a cold beer between two pairs of hands. Subtle waves colliding with the polished beached rocks. Countless stars burning indifferently to two individuals millions of light years away. The blossoming conversation was not the only communication between the two. Fingers tossed rocks into the icy waters unconsciously keeping the beat to a ongoing love story.
The constant struggle to find balance, meaning, love, truth, wisdom, and peace.
The conversation oscillated circling around hard-to-reach topics. Growing, changing, budding, diminishing. The girl found herself caught in the constant pull towards balance. Fighting to find the equilibrium between comfort and growth. On one hand a desire to explore, to dive into the next adventure head first at a moment’s notice, to live and love, to sing a different melody, to feel security in the insecure. On the other a newfound sense of comfort and security. A sensation only accomplished by relative stability, longevity, and personal connections in one geographical place. How can one satisfy both opposing desires simultaneously?
Cognitive dissonance. A disconnect and apparent struggle for power between mind and body. Much like bungee jumping, thought the girl. Your mind has evaluated the risks involved and is determined to jump. The consciousness is thrilled with the flood of adrenaline to the brain. The love of adventure asks the age-old question: why not? But your body does not agree. Your eyes see the immeasurable distance to fall. Your ears hear the wind blowing far below your shaking feet. Your shoes do not move. The body deems it highly undesirable to hurl itself into a free fall. There exists a moment of pause. Two equal and opposite forces pulling an individual. The result: stalling.
The curiosity begins with the origin and central hub of all this struggle. The brain. Simultaneously the brain is both analyzing the situation from a rational standpoint and from a physical stand point. I present our two protagonists: the conscious and the unconscious. Consciously we have decided to (and paid even..) to have the experience of throwing ourselves from a high place, falling down to the ground, only to be jolted back up on an elastic rope. We have calculated risks, knowledge of prior experiences, and even (perhaps) the pressure of our peers. At the end of these processes, we have concluded that we would like to partake in this activity for the thrill of the adrenaline.
Objection. The body holds up a red flag. Unbeknownst to us it has been doing its own calculations. Centuries of evolution have favored instincts based on survival. Throwing oneself off of great heights is not favorable. The body wants nothing to do with this madness. These processes are also occurring and developing in the brain.
The brain is home to many many diverse processes. And now I see that many are contradictory. This struggle leads to a moment (a split second or even a few minutes, hours, weeks, years) of inactivity. What to do?
Can this observation be applied to other facets of life? For example the struggle of our female character.
She finds herself in a situation. Wanting a change. Wanting to plan for the unpredictable future. Wanting some stability and security, but spontaneity and excitement. She is in limbo. She is in the period of calm and uncertainty before the electrical storm. She wants a million things. She desires conflicting paths. She needs a push.
In less than two months, she will leave. She has convinced herself that a two month deadline is a necessary evil. Whether or not she will leave alone. No matter where she decides to set her compass. If she is ready or not. She will leave. And that causes a thunder storm of emotions.
Next chapter here we come. Uncertainty is inevitable.
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